You sick, twisted, shameful excuse for a humanoid! I can't believe you want to read through more people's problems...Talk about focusing on the negative!
Well, since you're already here, you may as well read what these other wackos had to say:
Freddy VS Jason & Return of the Living Dead 4
Hillbilly Werewolf's Brilliant Epic
How Can I Be As Cool As Arachnia?
Dreams of Serial Killing and Bela Lugosi
I Chopped Up My Family... What Should I Do?
I've been deeply involved/interested in the Horror genre for as long as I can remember. Until recently, I didn't think anyone really had a problem with this, or judged me because of it. However, just last week, a very religious family member decided to "sick" my mom on me, insisting that I must be a Satan worshipper based on the fact that my bedroom is a virtual shrine to Horror films.
What can I do to combat people's negative opinion of me?
Signed,
Horror-Worshipper
Creepings, Horror Worshipper;
Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do, besides tell whoever is on your case to get bent and stay that way for eternity. Of course, if this person happens to be your mom, your free room and board might be revoked if you put your feelings so bluntly :).
I've experienced the same problem myself, and all I can tell you is to be true to yourself. Although your personal tastes don't coincide with those around you, that doesn't mean yours are in poor taste and theirs aren't. There are a lot of hypocrites out there concerning the genre, and what I think you need to do is make this person see that Horror doesn't necessarily mean evil. How about making it a point to comment whenever this person sits down to watch a Horror film themself (everybody likes a good thriller now and again) and perhaps with time, they'll realize that just because you're more dedicated to the genre, it in no way means you're knock-knock-knocking on Satan's door or vice versa.
Personally, I think all country music fans are Satanists...To each his own, I guess ;)
Body Bags,
Arachnia
I've been a Horror fan ever since I pissed my bed every night for two weeks after seeing Nightmare on Elm Street 2 when I was seven. My question to you is, am I morbid?
Like the last guy, my room is covered in anything to do with zombies (from Rob Zombie to Resident Evil to Return of the Living Dead). I have recurring dreams of my mum eating my dads brain, and I sometimes wish my hometown all turned into zombies so I could go trigger happy. My parents bought me books about death for xmas, so it can't worry them too much.
So what do you think? I honestly like Horror a lot and don't care if I am mornid, but I don't think I am morbid enough to be labeled that.
Anywayz, I hope you can answer my questions.
Later,
Orgas Sam
Creepings, Orgas Sam:
I may have some bad news for you, honey. Chances are, you're probably morbid. But before you go throwing yourself off the nearest cliff, let me say that there are many different levels of morbid. There's morbid in the sense that to you, nothing is more entertaining than watching a home video of someone falling or getting hurt, or watching zombies munch happily on a heap of brains, but then there's another side of morbid that is a little more hazardous. As darklings, we all tend to focus a little more on the darker side of life, simply because we find it more entertaining to the blinding bright life "happy people" live in.
It's so very okay to be the first kind of morbid, it's just what makes you different from all the preppy assholes you probably know and hate. However, the other kind of morbid would probably mean you didn't get many dates because you were too busy worrying about pre-choosing your attire for your own funeral. This is okay too, but just don't expect to be invited to a lot of parties.
As for your parents, the fact that they haven't been accusing you of trying to commit suicide or worshipping Satan in your room should be telling you that you are a ok.
And don't feel like a weirdo...I must confess, it's one of my fantasies to open the door only to find there's a truckload of zombies standing outside...Then in the fantasy, I get my rifle, and everyone loves me cuz I'm so damn good with a firearm.
Body Bags,
Arach
Do you know anything about an upcoming Living Dead sequel or the Freddy VS Jason movie?
Thanx.
PS You are one hot piece of ass!
Unsigned
Creepings, Unsigned;
In response to your questions, I can tell you that I have heard talk of a new Living Dead film, however, I don't have anything to really tell you about it, other than the fact that I know it's being talked about. On the other hand, I can tell you that, although they've been teasing us with the Jason VS Freddy movie for soooo long now, it's reportedly in the filming stage as we speak (as of March 30, 1999 they were, anyway).
I'm a little upset you didn't ask who I'd be rooting for! Freddy of course, he's just too cool not to root for. Of course, I'm not about to call Jason a sissy or anything, he's one mean motherfucker! I think it will be interesting to see how they handle this explosively intriguing combo, as well as if they can manage to do it without it being Trendy Horror garbage.
As for the personal comment, thanks, but imagine how you'd feel had you really seen my ass! Maybe for ADD's next anniversary I'll do a nude pictoral or something...A thought *lol*
Body Bags,
Arach
You claim to be spear-heading the
anti-trendy horror film movement, and yet you've got to be the trendiest chick on the web!
You fuckin' hypocrite! "Warlock" SUCKS DONKEY DICKS!! "Nightmare on Elm St.
3?" ARE YOU FUCKIN' NUTS? "Return of the Living Dead 3: 90210" is the
TRENDIEST PIECE OF SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN! And "Nightmare Before X-Mas" (although
admittedly the animation was top shelf) is a fuckin' soppy, smarmy MUSICAL (yuck!) AIMED
AT SNOT-NOSED KIDS FER CRYIN' OUT LOUD!! I know, I know...It's your website, you can do
whatever you want with it....but you look like the goddam JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT of modern
horror to these bloodshot eyes...In my humble opinion, someone needs to hold your ass down
and force you to watch Fredric March kick the shit out of some
people in his 1932 portrayal of Mr. Hyde! Preferably while fucking you doggy-style.
There's a LOT of really great horror flicks out there that pre-date 1970, Sad-sacknia.
Just thought you might want to know...
Anyway, my question to you is: How
do you stop a "goth" from drowning? A: Take your boot off his/her SISSY FUCKIN'
TRENDY HEAD, THAT'S HOW!!! HAR HAR HAR!!
FANGS FOR THE MAMMARIES, HILLBILLY WEREWOLF
Creepings, Hillbilly Werewolf;
Can't say as the Hillbilly part surprises me. Only a hillbilly would have the mental range to come up with such an intelligent piece of writing.
First of all, I can understand your criticisms of some of the movies I feature here. But I hardly think the fact that you believe Warlock "sucks donkey dicks" qualifies it as a Trendy Horror film. Nightmare Before Christmas is an ansolute animated classic, but I'm not going to try to force you into my beliefs, you couldn't possibly keep up with me. As for the "aimed at snot nosed kids" part, you may be right. But was Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory or Alice In Wonderland aimed at children as well? Two very integral parts of the film world. In addition, I'd hardly say that Horror films are made with "adults" in mind. Zombies taking over the world? Yeah, that'll really happen...All intelligent adults know this. I can agree with your comment about Return of the Living Dead 3 to an extent. I didn't care for it much myself, but seeing as it's a part of the Living Dead series, I couldn't not include it.
I look like the "Jennifer Love Hewitt of the modern Horror genre?" I think you may have a little more wrong with your eyes than their appearance, my friend. Or were you being brilliant and making a metaphor? Wouldn't have thought Hillbilly's had that power. How can I even begin to respond to such intelligence?
And as for movies pre-dating 1970, I agree, there were most definitely a lot of good Horror films made before then. But I tend to judge my fave flicks by the following criteria: a) did it scare me? b) did it keep me interested? Unfortunately, older-Horror films just don't do it for me. Such is not to say they're no good, but as you mentionned so rightly, this is my web site. If you so feel the need to honour these older, classic Horror films, might I suggest making your own web site, rather than try to twist others into what you want them to be?
The Boycott is for those who feel the way I do about Trendy Horror. If you don't want to join it, then don't. You won't be ambushed in the night by the Trendy Horror police. There are obviously plenty of other things for people to do here if they happen to disagree with me on this topic.
As for your "question":
How do you stop a "goth" from drowning?
That's simple. Toss him/her the Hillbilly airhead sitting on the beach for use as a floatation device.
Not that I had any idea why that was relevant to anything contained within this site. More of your brilliance, I suppose.
Body Bags,
Arach
P.S. I appreciate the countless amount of hours it must have taken to come up with "Sad-sacknia". Terribly impressive.
I just read the post that the hillbilly werewolf sent you and I think he's
just mad 'cause his daddy makes him squeeeel like a pig deliverance style! I don't like
cocksuckers like him who define their self worth based on their "taste" in
films. I'm into comics as well and I get my fill of hot air from dorks like that to often
as it is. Even tho it don't matter much, i'm sure getting posts like these gets depressin
after awhile, so I just wanted to tell you that I liked ALL the movies he was bitchin
about! Warlock kicked ass! And just cause I can appreciate lighter fare
such as Nightmare b4 xmas doesn't mean I don't like films like Henry:Portrait of a serial
killer, or other darker shit. By the way, I do comics for a livin and I'm as tired of the
trendy horror in that field as I am of trendy movies. Do you or others you communicate
with read comics? Would they support more hardcore horror black and white titles if
offered? What do you/ they read now? Any info you share is greatly appreciated. Just
remember for every dumb hillbilly type there are people who appreciate and support your
efforts. Don't let the fuckers bug you to much!
thanks,
Sean Shaw
Creepings, Sean:
I've been too long getting this post up, it's a little out dated now, but still relevant indeed. I apologize for being such a lousy webmistress of late, but I have my reasons. I don't have one of the Living Dead hidden in my basement that I'm having to look after, keep from escaping or anything, just unordinarilyb busy. What can I say, I started the site when I was a slacker, and didn't anticipate how hard the maintenance would be once I joined the 9-5 cluh.
Anyways, thanks for the bullets for the gun, my friend. It's wicked when I get email from those who are on "my side" so to speak, so that it's not just all Ryan Phillippe fans trying to cyber-kick my ass :) But what can I say, I mean, I know I did the whole Hilbilly crack in my reply to the dude, but he actually is Hilbilly enough to state that fact. It baffles me, still ;)
As for the comixx, I have to admit, I'm not much into them. I may have been, if I'd had a good teacher, or more exposure, but I do know a few people who live and die for them. Of course, since they're people I freely spend time with, you can bet they opt for the hardcore, baby! It's a warzone! *what am i saying?*
Thanks, and warm body bags,
Arach
Dear
Arachnia,
I run a small third-world country and due to a terrible drought, the
peasants have been starving. On top of this, I recently stepped in a nest of
chiggers. What do I do?
Fucked in Slumbard
Creepings, Fucked:
It must be a really third-world country (I'm thinking like, 5th or 6th at least) for the leader to just simply state he runs a small country. If I ran a country, even a small, wimpy, crappy one, I'd be calling myself every name in the book, except the guy who runs the country. You make yourself sound like a janitor or something. Show a little more self confidence!
As for your chiggers problem, I can tell you you should probably kill all the dogs, cats and small, furry animals in your country. It is in the third world, so you probably kill them for food, anyway. But the risk is there that they will become infested and then you've got a severe epidemic on your hands.
Dial 1-976-STILFKT, and mention my name. There is a secret document waiting to be read to you over the phone.
Watch the windows, and be brave.
Body Bags,
Arach
How can I be as cool as you? I'm serious here, no sarcasam. I think you
are the coolest person ever. You torment my every waking thoughts, because
you are so fucking awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
help me
-potential stalker
P.S.- I'm really not crazy,.....now were did i put that chainsaw, and the
babyoil....
Creepings, Potential Stalker:
Assuming you were being true when you indicated that you intended no sarcasm
in your email, spank you very much! It's always nice to know that at any
given time, any given moment, someone could be watching...Guess I'll have to
keep tabs on my streaking naked in front of the window in a brightly lit
room at night...
The steps involved in achieving my level of coolness are simple and as
follows:
1) An affection for the macabre is most important. If you don't think this
applies to you, you can create it artificially by strapping yourself onto
your favourite armchair, toothpicking your eyes open and watching Evil Dead
over and over again until you think your brain is about to come gushing out
your nose.
2) A strong hatred for anything trendy or Top 40 is almost as imperative as
#1. A bloody, gory killing fantasy with Sarah Michelle Gellar's name written
all over it may help you to get into the mood. Once you've killed her in
your heart of hearts, you are ready to move onto Step #3.
3) Drugs may help you to achieve the state of mind nessecary to achieve
desired level of coolness. I prefer a big fat nasty bong packed to the hilt,
but you may choose otherwise. If you do choose to smoke reefah to heighten
your cool senses, I highly recommend Northern Lites...aaah.....good shit.
4) At least 5 Cure albums added to your cd collection will help you achieve
the all-important melancholy trait that will make you irresistable to all
who look your way. Just when they think they may have to give you a shoulder
to sob on, however, you're open and free to come at them with a butcher
knife....Never saw it comin':)
5) Cue up "Horror Hotel" by the Misfits, and listen close...Repeat if
nessecary....
6) Shit, look at that...You're cool!
Following the above steps out of sequence may result in a complete and total
shut down of system components. For your own safety, consult a Horror Chick
before altering the sequence of any of these steps.
Now that you're coolah than colah, baybee, my address is..............
*wink*
Body Bags,
Arach
Do you believe in love? Do you think it even exists? I've asked the light for answers too many times, and realized that the only place left to turn was the dark. I just think that pursuing someone is pointless and even annoying at times. What exactly is the reward when nine times out of ten all you end up with is a slap in the face? I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I had to vent at someone. I don't expect you to solve any problems for me, and I'm certainly not asking you to care about the life a complete stranger, I just noticed your advice thing and decided to try. You're beautiful for just reading this.
Thanks.
Sachiel.
Creepings, Sachiel:
Lo and behold, you seem to be in pretty much the same place I am right now concerning relationships, love, and the bloody point of it all. Alas, as I'm grappling with the answers to those questions myself, I find it hard to say anything to you with any kind of certainty. I will do my best going through your submission, point by point...
1) Do I believe in Love?
Eeh...Tough question. The easiest way to answer would be to say that I used to believe in love...In finding that one person that fate had selected for you, in loving only that person eternally, perhaps even marrying that person one day. Unfortunately, as I sift through my own relationship issues, as well as those of friends, what I had thought to be carved in stone about human relationships crumbles now before my eyes.
I believe in love in the sense that it's an emotion human beings are entitled to feel. However, I don't think I believe in the conventional meaning of love in our society - which means complete monogamy for the rest of one's life. The only way that marriages, lifelong relationships, can remain intact is if we can somehow manage to respect its boundaries. However, with all the infidelity out there in the world, it's plain to see that we are not doing this.
For answers on just about anything, I try to look to the animal kingdom. After all, they live, breathe and socialize much in the same way that humans do, only they're not bogged down by things like head games, guilt and personal commitment. Out of all the world's species, only a handful of them select a mate that they intend to stay with for life. All the other species (humans should be included, I think) select a partner for mating time, i.e. when they feel the urge to reproduce.
So why do we pressure ourselves to do something that perhaps we're just not designed to do (remain monogamous to a single partner)? Well, you can probably thank organized religion for that one. If there is a god (I'm doubtful, but I never shut my eyes entirely), then I'd really like to meet him so I can get this whole monogamy thing straight from the horses' mouth.
2) Is the Dark the only place to turn?
Depends on what you mean by "dark" and "light". If you're meaning "light" in the conventional sense, what we humans normally call God, then personally, I think you need to turn someplace else.
For years, I've battled with my religious makeup. Born a Catholic (about as staunch as they come), I spent most of my life believing the priest each time he told me how awful I was, what a sinner I was, and how I was going to Hell. What? What made me such a loathsome creature to deserve such a fate? For all kinds of reasons (each person needs his/her own), I finally cut my ties with "God" and renounced my faith. Since that time, I've never felt more free. So many things are clearer to me now, and the best part is that I don't live in fear anymore...No more fear of "Hell", and no more fear of God.
Many people refer to God as "Father", however, I have a hard time putting my faith into a "father" that allowed and enforced so many injustices in his time. Women were kept and regarded as property, slaves were kept by the wealthy, the simple act of cutting one's hair was once punishable by death in the eyes of God!
"Darkness", if we're on a religious trip here, would represent the more "evil" side of life, "Satan". Well, this happens to be a topic I know a little about. Back in high school, being one of the few "gothy" kids in school, I decided to scare my classmates even more by presenting a study on Satanism. What I found through studying the subject was very, very interesting...
Traditionally, the modern world has looked at Satanism through condemning eyes. It is widely believed that those who worship God's arch-rival are terrible creatures. They are evil, foul, malicious and cruel. None of these observations are true, for obvious reasons. First of all, you can't judge all Satanists in the same way - we're all human beings, and we're all different. To generalize Satanists is no different than generalizing Christians as a bunch of Bible beating puritans. Secondly, Satanism is not at all what modern society has made it appear to be.
The basic fundamentals are simple: Everything that is believed in Christianity is reversed in Satanism. For example: God's orders are for us to worship him. In Satanism, the order would be to worship oneself. In Christianity, you must strive to please God. In Satanism, you strive to please yourself. Even the defining symbol is inverted, as the Satanic version of the Christian cross is the same icon, yet inverted (upside down cross).
Satanism isn't the cesspool of evil many believe it to be. "Dark" doesn't mean "bad", "wrong", or "evil".
3) Is it worth it to even bother trying (relationships)?
Shit, yes! I think in this department, we put too much thought into it.
Sure, it's a pain in the ass trying to acquire that "special someone". However, whether or not there's a point to it (after all, human relationships don't tend to last very long) we can't seem to help ourselves. Jo Blo is the sexxiest guy in town. You'll probably never end up married to him, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't bother at all. Moreover, I dare you to try and stop your hormones from raging! It's all but impossible.
Once again, look to the animal kingdom for guidance. We are all just animals, and in the end, can only do what we're designed to do. This means loving and leaving and lusting and longing...Endlessly!
I know this isn't much of a concrete answer. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if there really are any. The best and most any one of us can do is to, once again, think like an animal! You'll worry less, and probably have a better time. Try to look at it this way - relationships may not last forever, and conventional marriage may be a thing of the past. However, this is no reason to throw away the idea of love and relationships altogether. Just because someone may not be your fated life partner, does not mean that your life cannot be enhanced by that person in some way. Even a bad relationship can be viewed as a constructive one as long as you learn from mistakes and experience. So what if Jo Blo turns out to be a dud that can't bring himself to even take a shower? Hopefully, you both had some fun while it lasted, and at least now you know that you (and everyone around you) gots to be clean!!
Well, I've rambled on enough to save the entire world, I think. I hope that at least something I've scribbled here makes some kind of sense. I'd hate to think that this is all just chicken scratch!
Stay strong, and don't let yourself be intimidated...By anything!
Take Care!
Love and Body Bags,
Arach
Dear Arachnia,
Have you ever dreamed of being a serial killer? I have. When I was about 13, I made up my
mind on how and when I would start my killing spree. I had it all planned out down to the
very last iota. I've always wanted to kill. I don't think I actually would go through with
it anymore, but just thinking about all the macabre ways I could harm someone gets me
excited. I wouldn't mind being a vampire either. That would be cool.
Oh ya, and how come no one has mentioned the corny yet awesome acting of Bela Lugosi as
the original Dracula? Bela Lugosi was a fucking God. Corny as his films were (considering
Dracula was filmed in 1931 with lack of special effects and optimal funding) They rocked!
He deserves mention I believe (I'm not telling you how to run your website, just stating
my personal viewpoints)!
Great Website!
Blessed be,
Dark Phoenix
Creepings, Dark Phoenix
I’ll be perfectly honest here – I haven’t dreamed of becoming a serial killer specifically, but killin’ be on my brain all the time, baby! However, as my personal hit list grows ever larger, it’s starting to look like maybe serial life is the life for me, after all.
I don’t think there’s a person alive that hasn’t fantasized about killing someone at one point or another. However, if yer twisted and warped (like us), chances are those fantasies take up the lion’s share of the day. After all, we gorehounds are a creative lot, and it takes time to put together the ultimate murder plot. So many things to consider, such as how you want the blood to hit the wall/ceiling/floor, whether you want your victim’s loved ones to make the unfortunate discovery of the battered corpse, whether you’ll do it with a smile or a sneer…
You didn’t ask, but yer gonna hear it anyhow: Just who would I kill? Easy! My fantasy victims are usually women, probably for no other reason besides the fact that I hate them so!! Some are okay, don’t get me wrong, but the ones in the fuzzy pink sweaters with expensive acrylic manicures, toting their GAP bags faithfully – these ho’s simply have to go!!! I think we’ve all known a few of these gals in our lives: so pretty, primped, pampered, PUKE!!! You "girlie girls" made growing up twisted a living hell, but who’s really got the advantage here? You, on one hand, are sweet and cute and perfect in every way. I, on the other hand, although far from the top of the average man’s wish list, wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to gauge out your eyes and stick them up your ass so you could watch me kick the crap out of you!
YES!!! I’m talking to YOU, you goddamn whore!!! (Too bad she can’t read, as I’d so love to hurt her feelings)
I’ve completely lost control. Way to fucking go, Phoenix! I think about smoking this bitch enough on my own without you writing in and tempting me to share my sick desires…
As for sweet, sweet Bela, I agree, he’s the undisputed King. Being such a fan, I trust you’ve seen the movie "Ed Wood" with Johnny Depp and Sarah Jessica Parker. If you haven’t, do so, it’s a great behind-the-scenes look at the way Lugosi truly lived (and died). To explain a little about why he’s not here: I’m just not all that into the genre (meaning "classic" Horror films predating the 1950s). Not to say that I think it’s all rubbish, it’s just not my fave flavour! As you can probably tell, I’m much more into either 70’s or 80’s Horror (don’t know why, it’s just my curse).
Alas, my boss is gonna wonder what I’m up to. Thanks for the email, I best be taking off now.
Body Bags,
Arach
Last night i chopped up my family and put them in a duffel- bag because the devil told me too. So i took them to satan' i know where he lives.. and i said to him, " yes, i have done what you have asked, i have chopped up my whole family and i put them in this duffel-bag,and i have brought them to you, as you have commanded, o'lord hoery host of the netherworld!" and the devil pulled off his mask and said,"it's me! your friend bob!" well did i feel the fool!! now ihave my family in a duffel-bag here.. thanx-a-lot bob!
So horror chick,what can i do! signed
Face-Red in PA.
Creepings, Face:
Hmph...You sure have landed yourself in quite a nasty little predicament!
I heard about something like this happening once, down in the Caymans. No, wait - it was "Dumb and Dumber" with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels.
What you need is a couple of rolls of clear packing tape, as ordinary scotch (as used in the movie) just isn't going to to the trick. After all, we are talking about big-headed human beings, and more than one of 'em at that!
After you've taped all their heads back on, prop them up on the sofa, engage them in a game of chess - whatever it takes to make them appear as though they were still alive. If you've seen either of the Weekend at Bernies movies, you know what I mean. If you haven't, the first thing you'll need to do is rent them - for research.
Hope I've helped in some way.
Oh - almost forgot. When they start to smell bad (and they will), you can do one of two things:
1) Buy Febreeze by the case. Get a second job to pay for it, if you have to.
2) Put the happy, "alive" family into the good ol' station wagon (though any car will do), fasten dad's foot to the gas pedal with a brick and some duct tape, and send them on their merry way (preferrably off a bridge, or over the Grand Canyon). This should take care of that nasty little stench problem.
Body Bags,
Arach [back to top]