The Best of Horror Films :: House of 1000 Corpses

Holy Miss Moley... Written and directed by rock god Rob Zombie, House of 1000 Corpses is, without a doubt, the best horror film I've seen in years. Serious years. I think I'd have to go digging up the "glory days" to find a film as expressive of all the truest, most fundamental aspects of the horror genre we lifelong gorefiends have gone without for an insufferably long time. I can recall (going back a bit here) when the virtual flood of
"horror" films like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer and the like were just starting to surface, sullying up the horror genre for years to come. Many argued that it would be beneficial to the genre to have mass audiences re-introduced to horror, yet the only thing I think suckbag films like that achieved was the subsequent lowering of the expectations of moviegoers who like sex with their violence, and blood all over everything. A bunch of teenage television queens toting Prada handbags get killed, but it's okay, cause there isn't much blood in films anymore, and everything works out in the end. The end. Oh yah, and it has Jennifer Love Hewitt. No, thank you. *Enter House of 1000 Corpses.*
Expect to find the usual troupe of youngin's out looking for a good time in this film, but believe it or not, not even once to any of these youngin's attempt to copulate with one another. But not to worry, as there's still plenty of t&a for those who like sex and death all heaped onto the same plate. Following classic horror movie patterning, the youngin's make some awfully regrettable decisions about what to do with their free time, and that's when House of 1000 Corpses starts to feel good... When a twisted clown (Captain Spaulding, played by Sid Haig) drops the idea into their impressionable young minds, the cwazy wabbits go driving along a deserted country road in search of the infamous hanging tree where local legend Dr. Satan was sentenced to perish for his crimes involving demented experiments on mental patients.
Along the way, the kids pick up a stunning (and soaked - stormy night, remember?) hitch-hiker, and it's all downhill from there. Funny, you'd think they'd have seen enough horror films to stay right fucking away from hitch-hickers (even beautiful ones), but noooooo... And we wouldn't have it any other way ;) House of 1000 Corpses features an absolutely jaw-droppingly fabulous cast including one of my all-time faves, Bill Moseley (best known for his portrayal of Chop Top in Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2). When checking out House of 1000 Corpses in theatres, some will run and puke. However, others... Others are more than willing to plunk down their life's savings in order to see it again and again and again. And with buttery popcorn. And perhaps a fat blunt.