Crimey! Boycott Trendy Horror sure has heated up as of late! As long-time visitors to this site may know, this section of Arachnia's Den of the Deceived has been here for a while. At the time I spawned it all, I thought I'd get a lot of criticism about it from both people who are the exact people I'm usually referring to when I talk about how much I hate trendy new Horror films and all they entail, and from people who may not think Scream and it's many, many stinky offspring is the best stuff ever, they can't bring themselves to see what the big deal is all about. This brings us to an interesting question...Why do I hate it so?
"Why the fuck should I care?" Right? Well, from the emails I've been getting, and the guestbook postings, and even articles written for other Horror sites, it's becoming apparent that some of you do care. Not to mention the tons and tons more people who have contacted me in support of what I'm trying to do (which isn't much, just speaking my mind and inviting others to join...remember free speech? nice smellin' stuff).
Originally, this little manifesto was accompanied by a blurb saying some crap about "let me know what you think, I'm always willing to discuss/defend my opinion". Unfortunately for my carpal tunnel syndrome, this invitation led to me having to get down on a personal tastes level with people over why (for example) Bride of Chucky kicks ass and I Know What You Did Last Summer sucks bleating goats. I could also fight for hours with (for example) the Secretary General of the International Society for the Appreciation of Britney Spears over why I consider their namesake nothing but bratnoise while proclaiming Ministry a dose of musical genius. Aah, the voluptuous breast we call free speech - great talk shows such as Politically Incorrect With Bill Maher were spawned because of peoples' love of great debate.
Unfortunately, I just don't have the time to explain to everyone who writes in my exact criteria for what classifies as trendy Horror. I never dreamed I would need any kind of exactness in my feelings that things made with dollars in mind never turn out the way they should. I guess if I had to choose one, glaring reason to slap a "shame!" sticker on a new Horror flick, it would be my overall perceived impressions of what resided in the hearts of the film-makers the day they signed the movie deal: did their pulses start to race because they were oozing excitement at all the things they were about to create; or was the blood merely racing at the thought that this movie, with the help of television's fluffy the vampire player, could become one of the highest-grossing box-office smash hits in the history of film! ???
How's that for a chalk outline? I know it's a really sucky way to explain myself, but there's just no way I could ever list every beat of my heart. Actually, now that I'm getting back into the spirit of it all, I guess since I'm here, and I'm writing, I may as well go on to say that it's not just the fact that these movies are made not for true movie lovers, but for people who would eat shit if you told them it was the coolest new thing, and that all the supermodels were doing it. I can't understand why people aren't noticing the plot and cast regurgitation that's running more rampant now that ever. It's like, every two years, the powers that be in filmland choose the five coolest kids in the free world. For those two years, those same five kids star in every slasher film (well, really only a couple, but they all have sequels) that makes it to "a theatre near you". Suddenly, those two years are up, and the kids are ushered back to their lives starring in prime time soap opera's, or worse yet, generation x romantic films! New "coolest kids" are chosen based on how much hair gel they use and how high they can push up their tits before it really looks fake. It doesn't seem to matter if they can't act, and if they happen to be Sarah Michelle Gellar, looking as if they're reading their lines from the inside of a pair of invisible sunglasses just seems to add to that whole 'desirable prom bimbo' look that's really come back in style.
I won't torture those who are opposed with much more of my bitterness. Those who have been smirking and nodding throughout my rant understand what I'm talking about - but like I said before - I know not everyone is going to. However, this being my website and all, those who don't like it can either post a message to the speak out board (that's what it be there for!), leave this infernal place, or suck it! I'm getting pretty sick of getting emails from o-so-dropdead-brilliant people who have gathered the impression that because we differ in opinion, they need to waste my time with emails calling me anything from a bitch to a dogfucking whore. Hmm, a well-educated girl with the ability to not only make up her own mind, but also to post them on this here internet thingy (rather than cruising other people's site and resorting to childish namecalling like a loser :) sure sounds like a dogfucking whore to me!!! Of course, I'm pretty sure that the kind of people that need to act out in such ways to prove themselves cool or some fucking bullshit are the very people that would piss their pants and cry if someone on the street asked them the time. I guess being faceless is a really great way for the inferior to feel supreme.
Well, there's my manifesto. It's kind of a snotty one this time, but what can I say? My planet is dying and all anyone cares about is Jennifer Lopez' ass. Not to mention I'm "coming off" Halloween'00 and I've been sleeping on a couch for kicks this past week, trading shifts on "ratwatch" in a friends' Toronto apartment...God, I love October!!!!!!!!
Maybe next time I change it I'll be in love with a boy who wears eyeliner and this manifesto will be so suga-sweet we can all puke in unison when I come down off my love buzz. Eeh, maybe not, I don't think that's ever happened to me, I always have something snotty to say! This is a boycott, dammit, not a telethon!
You love me mean!
Stay sick!
Arach
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