Boycott Trendy Horror -- Scary Movie Bloweth Many Goats -- Arachnia's Den of the Deceived

Although I'm quite content that the headline above pretty much sums up my feelings on this hideous film, for nobody's benefit, really, I'm going to explain the various reasons why this movie doesn't deserve to be pissed on by a skid-row bum.

To begin, I must admit that before I saw this movie with my own eyes, I was under the impression that it might surprise me and actually be funny. After all, it's purpose was to poke fun at everything I, and many of you out there, hate about Horror movies made recently. Unfortunately....

SCARY MOVIE was nothing more than an attempt at making some money (gasp!) on a growing trend in itself: the hatred of trendy Horror movies. However, rather than providing viewers with a deliciously satirical, tongue-in-cheek movie about how out of hand teenie movies have gotten, this film follows all the same, worn-out "rules" as all the other TeenCrap movies out there.

The characters are just as annoying and fresh off the pages of TEEN MAGAZINE as all the stars of SCREAM, I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, and the like. The people who would enjoy this movie are just as

dim-witted and easy to target as those who flocked to theatres to catch Jennifer Love Hewitt pretending to survive yet another encounter with the man with the hook. The slapstick comedy is predictable, childish, and completely ineffective, an all-out assault on the senses of intelligent moviegoers.

No Mercy...No Shame...No Sequel...

But, alas, there is a sequel. Can't say as I'm surprised, however. These fuckers (meaning movie moguls everywhere, of corpse) would make a sequel to the holocaust if they thought it would be profitable, and all the death camp staff agreed to wear TommyGirl fashions.